Author's Note: I wrote this piece because I like baseball and the Brewers. I had to work on a few things with my writing so I wrote on a topic that I know the best and so it will help me a little if I know the topic better than a topic I would have to look up.
The Brewers have had many different teams in the past years. The best teams have been the 1982 team and the 2011 team. Because of the Brewers having differences in their teams, this year team I think is better the 1982 team.
The Brewers 1982 team was every good and made it to the World Series because of their strong hitting and pitching. The Brewers made it to the World Series because they were good at everything and they worked hard and had a good record. There star players help the team a lot and they were Robin Yount and Gorman Thomas. Their managers Buck Rodgers and Harvey Kuenn and they had to be good if they made it to the World Series.
Now in 2011 the Brewers have been trying their hardest to make it to the World Series and they have been able to do that because they have been strong for everything through the season. There star players have been doing a lot for the team and there are players that have been playing. The Brewers have had many injuries this year and the big ones were Rickie Weeks, Carlos Gomez, and Ryan Braun. The Brewers are so good because they try hard and win many games. If they didn’t do that they would be bad and be the worst team in the MLB.
I think the Brewers will get stronger and stronger as years past and will get allot better. I think Ron Roenicke will still be their manager because he is a good manager and wins a lot of games. Ryan Braun will still be on the team and I think they will get some good pitchers, hitters, and fielders. I think the Brewers will win the World Series a few times and will do very good.
So even if the Brewers have different teams they can still be good and win games. If the Brewers never make it to the playoffs again it won’t be good because they won’t have a chance to win the World Series.
Adam, I like the topic, and how you chose to write about something important to you. That's always a good approach to take. Also, I can recognize some very good skills at organizing the piece. There is a clear intro; body paragraphs are in order with topic sentences, and the conclusion is apparent.
ReplyDeleteI would say that you need to work through the practice of edit/ revision. It's a shame when we write something and errors go unchecked. It can cause a reader to totally disregard what you have to say! And that's a shame, because you have lots to say, and your thoughts are worthwhile. If you'd like to go over this, I'd love to help.